Sunday, November 30, 2008


Somewhere out there, on thanksgiving weekend, I am struggling to find an officiant to marry me and my dear fiance. I'm Jewish, he's not, and somehow, the whole thing blew up in my face. Where I'm from (the west coast), any reform rabbi would marry us. Here, you need to go beyond that, to a reconstructionist, at best. Throw in the fact that my mom would rather die than see us married by a woman (and women rabbis tend to be more liberal, for obvious reasons), and the numbers dwindle rapidly. 

The most annoying parts are:

1) Unlike reception locations, caterers, florists, cake decorators and anyone else in the free world, Rabbis don't answer email.

2) Despite dozens and dozens of synagogues in the greater Boston area that welcome interfaith families, none (really, literally, none) have rabbis that will perform the ceremony. So, please, come, pay us $1000/year and join our synagogue. We welcome the diversity to the gene pool. But, since we think it is fundamentally wrong, we wont perform the ceremony. But, what's done is done, so please join our congregation. Make a check payable to...

3) It makes me re-justify my decision to marry outside my faith every single day now. I have family that will practically disown me, and I think that's enough, isn't it? With a 50% divorce rate in place, are these arbitrary rules really helping anyone? I have the most wonderful fiance I could have ever hoped for... why do I need to be confronted with this "he's not one of us" every day?  I'm sure interracial couples deal with this shit too. It's ridiculous. Aren't we post-that yet?

4) I can't shake the desire to have a jewish ceremony. Not a heavy one - just one with all the traditions. So, I don't *want* a civil ceremony. Which makes me feel complicit in the problem - if I didn't care, it wouldn't be a problem...

Thank you internets for letting me vent. 

1 comment:

Margaret said...

Welcome to wedding planning. It only gets worse the closer you get. If you survive without becoming a complete psycho, consider yourself lucky. Congratulations!