Monday, April 6, 2009

Either totally relaxed... or something is wrong

Today, I turned around and realized the drip drip drip I was hearing was not the rain against the window, but rather the rain coming through the ceiling. I'm sure a gallon of water had dripped in, luckily doing little more than drenching the aluminum window frame and the carpet. After calling my dear friend, who runs the office, and stacking a bunch of empty recycling bins to catch the water, I just thought "eh."  No harm. The space heater didn't short out. No electronics were ruined. Someone else would come and clean the carpet, to prevent mold. So.. Eh. It was a reason to leave the office at 5 while the maintenance staff created additional water barriers.

Then, later tonight, while making traditional yemenite passover charoset, I managed to overwhelm Priya's hand blender, which was a hand-me-down lifesaver for over a year. It just stopped, faced with the pain of blending nuts and raisins and figs. and dates. and lots of sweet bad wine. mmm. So, I tossed it. Eh.

Either I've gotten really really indifferent to the world, in a dejected 16-year-old sort of way - or I finally have some perspective. Precious little seems to really matter. Some things do - don't get me wrong. I've freaked out enough in the past week to keep my dear friends hopping. But, daily stupid things, like plates falling on the floor, macaroons coming out a bit squishy, and apparently, an entire office flood, just aren't bugging me.

What's funny to me is that it seems like a function of a dropping threshold more than a rising one. When I get overwhelmed with something, I usually hit this point at which I can not get any more upset or care any more. Like, I'm tapped out, so I better just settle down. Usually that point is really high for me. I can take a lot. 

But on these day to day stupidities, it's like that point has dropped to the ground.. as though I can panic for 10 seconds, an then rapidly think "well, I can't panic any more effectively than this, so I better stop and settle down." Only, since the bar is so low, I get there in 1 minute.

I am not sure if it is healthy or not.. but for now, it keeps me from flipping out a lot. 

And the second batch of macaroons rocks!

1 comment:

Priya said...

i think this is totally healthy behavior. i've lived for years in this mindset. if a mixer that cost $30 breaks, so be it. if it was supposed to not have been used for nuts? oh well, kinda funny. if you left the window open? oh well. celebrate your imperfect human-ness. also, this drives anal retentive people nuts which is amusing.