Monday, August 31, 2009

A Brief Discussion of Pants

As a girl, I wear pants. And skirts. And dresses. But men tend to wear pants. Every day. Or shorts. 

When my pants are too big, I'm always adjusting them. And overeating.
When my pants are too small, I tend to be uncomfortable. And I get stomach aches.

I can only imagine this is true for men too. In fact, though I have little personal experience with being male, I imagine that if pants are too small, they can be significantly more painful to the average man.

And yet, here in NerdCon 2009, the incidence of extremely small pants is alarmingly high. I imagine that the pants got small only because the person got large. Though how the person got taller is beyond me. Where's the flood?  Seriously, I basically cringe at the state of trousers here. This is a mens warehouse feeding frenzy.

Get a friend. A spouse. An astute pet. Ask them - "do these pants make me look supremely uncomfortable?" and get thee to a store and get fitted for real pants. All those doritos did go straight to your gut. But, in the immortal words of Clinton and Stacy, you can dress any body well. 

3 comments:

Priya said...

i think this probably means many of these people dug out these pants for the first time in a while. which would make sense, because when you wear sweatpants, or elastic band cloth pants, or mumuus (thanks homer) to work, one does tend to eat to expand (as you pointed out).

Capt. BS said...

An excerpt from The Captain's Guide to Wearing Pants Comfortably: Third Edition for Men:

"Buy non-pleated pants that are an inch or two larger than your actual waist measurement. Pair them with a highly-adjustable belt (no notches) and tighten just enough so that your pants do not fall down whilst walking.

When seated, note the absence of tightness in the area surrounding your posterior. Also note your ability to rotate and cross your legs freely, at all angles, without experiencing any pain or discomfort in your testicular region. These are both signs that your pants are properly configured."

Kim said...

Andrew's pants are always somehow to short, too, though not too tight. I don't know how that happens. They're not like that when he buys them!