Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The Voices In My Head

I've been experiencing voices in my head lately. No, I'm not going insane. But, there's an interesting pattern of fully articulated alternative sentences happening in my head, which I have to choose not to execute against. For example, when I stub my toe, I almost hear "GodFreakingDamnItAll" or something worse, playing in my head in the instant before I actually react. And, I conciously (due to a still fresh potty-mouth reprimand) opt with "For the love of Cheese!!!!" 

(Sidenote: If you, sir, with your two small children, hear me declare "For the love of cheese!" and know, in your heart of hearts, that I really wanted to say "FUCKING HELL," but somehow managed to abstain, please don't give me a dirty look for the phrase I meant to say. I didn't say it. You can't glare at me because I made you think she really wanted to say God Fuckin' Damn It. That's just unfair)

This voice is extending beyond my cussing problem to other areas of life. There are times I can almost hear myself say "Could you possibly try a little harder to make this meeting impossible? Really??"  or "If I see your socks outside the hamper... "  And then as I hear the words, I think to myself that I don't want to be that person, and I say something more calm and constructive. Or I try. Or I shut up.

But I can't help but wonder whether this is a blessing, or whether I should find a way to turn off the alternative dialog. Is it my authentic self, screaming out on a 5 second pre-lay (like a delay, only before), or is it some "What Would Wendy Williams Do" sort of laugh track? And yes, I watch me some Wendy Williams. Of only to determine, on those days when I'm sick at home at 10am, whether she is a transsexual, and if so, what her secret to authentically looking plausibly natural-born female is. Let's face it. She has "well-done trannie" nailed.

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