Monday, August 9, 2010

I prefer my chicken more chickeny

Having recently watched the Swedish movie, The Girl who Played with Fire, I've realized something about American movies -- they aren't remotely real.

I prefer that my heros be properly botoxed, tanned, plucked, bleached, liposucted and whatever else it is they do to truss themselves up to look attractive. Somewhere between an actual human and the anchors of Fox News's morning show is what they aim for, and I say, touche!

I prefer that my villains look the part with non-cotton fabric getups and wierd make-up and odd mannerisms. They should not be an older gentleman who purchased his last installment of LL Bean clothing in 1980. Jeez if he must be old, at least hook him up to a sinister looking oxygen tank, or give him a sinister looking mistress/nurse. I mean SOMETHING. When your villain appears to be more at home on the Fly Fishing cable channel than explaining his dark Russian mob past, I'm telling you, it's not right.

I prefer the movie itself to be a graphic, color-washed fantasyland. For this movie, I'd have picked a nice grey/blue palette to complement the stark landscape and the loneliness of its 2 central characters. I would have prefered the sound effects to be deafening. I should know I'm at the movies.. it shouldn't look like PBS Masterpiece Theatre. Yawn! My eyes and ears were not entertained. How will I watch it on 3D? Oh, I won't.

Gosh these movies from other countries just seem so ... REAL. Then what is it I've been watching? And why am I so anxiously awaiting the Hollywood version of this?

1 comment:

Lilac - Like The Flower said...

Yeah. well, A) SWEDISH. But even regular television in other countries has a different hue. In england, it's much more true color and much less technicolor. Actually, i feel like Disney Channel coloring is now on every station in american TV. It's alarming how bright things are. There's no "morning light" in television. it's always high noon.

Meanwhile, somewhere in israel, the art of the bad jingle continues to dominate.