Monday, October 24, 2011

Lifetime Movie Network vs. Bollywood

I recently watched some movie on LMN. Here is what happened and here is the Bollywood equivalent in italics. Don't ask me the name of the movie, I don't know.

* A woman, let's call her Kim, is picking up her nephew from school he is hit by a car and dies.
(Bollywood translation: A stuck up, citified woman is having her driver pick up her nephew from school, they have a car accident with an oncoming truck and they both die.)

* The nephew's soul begins to haunt Kim's daughter. The daughter starts to know things she shouldn't. She knows the nephew is dead before she is told.
(Bollywood translation: Same, only each creepy statement is punctuated with alarming scary movie music.)

*Kim and her twin sister (the nephew's mom) suffer from depression and guilt. There is some tension between them. The same actress plays both.
(Bollywood translation: A double role is STANDARD. Great. Same.)

*Kim, the twin and the daughter go to a Lake House to get away from downtown Chicago. They also bring their housekeeper, a wise older African American woman who just "knows" that the daughter is being haunted, due to fingerprints on her back indicating someone is latching on.
(Bollywood translation: In place of this there would be a song & dance, showing the 4 women driving through various backdrops in a convertible until they get to the house. Upon entering the house the housekeeper would see the fingerprints, and then this would cue the alarming music and for additional affect the camera would flash the same scene of the daughter with fingerprint bruises again and again. The song/dance is over.)

*The housekeeper tries to protect the girl, but it backfires when a charm bracelet causes the girl to start bleeding and Kim's twin conspires to have the housekeeper sent away. Kim's twin starts to act super creepy, befriending her niece (who has her dead son's soul) and shutting out Kim. The niece and aunt start building a doll house and shut Kim out. Kim finds out she is pregnant. Meanwhile, Kim's sister threatens to have her declared an unfit mother. Meanwhile the haunted child's bruises get worse and she keeps spewing out scarier stuff (like knowing her mom was pregnant before the mom did). Kim's husband buys a house and it turns out to be the same house as the dollhouse. Kim is terrified, pregnant and alone.
(Bollywood translation: Kim's twin would go completely batshit crazy, steal the daughter, steal Kim's husband, have her declared an unfit mother and sent to a mental asylum. Kim would continue to wail and cry at the mental asylum in between electric shock therapy treatments. Eventually the loyal housekeeper would come to the asylum and beg a kindly doctor to listen to her story, upon which they would go together, crying, to beg Kim for their forgiveness and then release her. However, they will not tell Kim's twin she's been released. This whole section would take approximately 2 hours.)

*Kim's twin attempts to exorcise the child, but Kim walks in and interrupts the session. The child attacks her mother. The nephew's ghost basically wants Kim to deliver her baby ASAP so he can be born into her. Kim and the housekeeper try to cleanse the house of the ghost by removing all belongings from the nephew, including his spirit house stuck in the basement.
(Bollywood translation: There is a dramatic fight where Kim, now free of the asylum, goes to the fancy house that her twin sister and husband have moved into. When she sees it's the dollhouse, more alarming music is played. Kim confronts the twin by strolling into the living room, after much fighting, they reconcile. They all call a local priest to remove the spirit house from the house. The exorcism scene is never shown for fear it might immediately haunt any of the viewing public.)

*Kim delivers twins, the daughter's haunting ends and the nephew ends up maybe gone or maybe in the soul of one of her twins. Everyone has reconciled and is happy. But at the end of the movie, one isn't sure if the twin is the nephew or not. It's left as a cliff hanger.
(Bollywood translation: The last scene shows the whole family at a temple, completing a religious ceremony while singing, with the 2 twins and all the characters of the movie. The final Hindu hymn is extended to be 15 minutes long and shows a montage of Shiva, Parvati and Ganesh, to also provide protection to the viewing public .)

1 comment:

Capt. BS said...

See, I just assumed there was an implicit fifteen-minute song and dance between each bullet point.